Jul 27, 2012

BURYING YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS....or putting them in a Nursing Home to die


MY RESPONSE about a local news story about a NURSING HOME HAD 2 DEATHS. Well, so what? People die weekly at nursing homes!  It's where they go die so you don't have to take care of them!
 Nursing homes get sued all the time.  Probably mostly by survivors looking for money! One of the best ones in town let my dad fall on his head on the way to the bathrooom, but didn't have a strap around his chest to hold onto.

He hit his head, stroked, couldn't swallow. But he hated being in a nursing home.  After my mom dying of cancer, and also my grandma who stroked and had a stomach tube fail, I didn't put a feeding tube in him because he wouldn't have liked it much, and they usually get infected anyway.

He'd already told me at lunchtime once, "man should not live this way" when we saw an elderly woman being spoonfed what amounted to babyfood. I didn't sue. Dad was ready to go, and I didn't need to take money from other elderly residents needing better daily care!

I'd learned from grandma in another state that stomach tubes always fail for the very elderly, and only prolong their deaths!  I did not serve her well, sadly.  I did better for her daughter and her son in law because her suffering taught me not to prolong  her death! How naive I was with my 'pro life' insanity!

Sadly, the media's not interested in real journalism affecting us baby boomers as we say goodbye to our WWII age parents. It's easier to just run murders, fires, car wrecks, and news releases.

Right about the time you've buried ONE parent, learned a few things before you bury the OTHER one.... then when you get pretty good about hard decisions, and hospice, and the governmental maize about Medicaid beds, and letting them go emotionally and with your unlike-minded siblings... WELL, YOU'VE COMPLETELY RUN OUT OF PARENTS!!!!!

If your parents are in a nursing home, visit them NOT LESS than weekly, on a schedule. Better every other day. And talk to them about END OF LIFE STUFF! since they didn't talk about it already!
OVERSTAYING OUR WELCOME.  Ya know how we all think we'll live forever!   But who's going to feed us and wipe our asses when we can't?    Fact is, children would rather pay a low-paid nurse's aide to do it, while hoping this won't last too long.

If you're getting on in years, get your medical and financial affairs in order, face end-of- life decisions and plans with your kids head-on, choose the right- thinking one to manage these things.

  • Give your money to your grandchildren at least 7 years early, putting them in school. The only difference between a Medicaid bed, and a private-pay bed is a roommate. In either case, unless you're very wealthy at a VERY high dollar establishment, nursing home care is going to suck unless your kids are there every day!

  • Don't let the doctors prolong your death just because they CAN! You have to decide. Do you want to live a few more months or use that money to put all your grandkids through college? But you have to PLAN...not decide that at the last minute!

    You will NOT live forever so take care of those you love a decade early if your savings are modest!

  • Moreover, if you're not having FUN in or out of a nursing home, then sign a DNR statement and reject fancy surgeries and procedures that just prolong the agony of waiting for death. Do it before your mind goes!

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