Nov 30, 2009

About Tiger Woods..and bitchy wenches



Guess the guy's learning the hard way that there's really no such thing as a trophy wife, because like doctor's wives, eventually they get uppity and think THEY'RE in charge, think THEY are the ones with the accomplishments and start throwing their husbands weight around, and then telling him what to do as well!  (Does this billionaire look happy?).

 Sadly, wives have too many laws in their favor and maybe we should LEGALIZE prostitution (except that politicians wives will cut off the sex for their husbands if they even THINK about legalizing it!)

Even boss's executive secretaries at work do it...start thinking because they sit outside the bosses office, they have the same authority HE has. So they lord over all the women in the company and all the men similarly intimidated. Best thing to do is ignore them. Women are just like that.


Paul McCartney learned it.

Hell all successful men learn that women eventually get too big for their britches. Happens in middle class households too. Its a gender thing. Maybe we need to talk to the arabs and end this bullshit!

Nov 25, 2009

100 things Waiters Should Never do (last 50)

100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 2)

This, from the NY Times




Start-Up Chronicle
This is the second half of the 100 do’s and don’ts from last week’s post. Again, this list is for one particular restaurant, mine, which is under construction in Bridgehampton, N.Y., and will, with any luck, open this spring. I realize that every deli needs a wisecracking waiter, most pizza joints can handle heavy metal, and burgers always taste better when delivered by a server with tattoos and tongue piercing(s).
Not even a hundred suggestions can cover all the bases, so one is grateful for the many comments following the 50, including striking “you guys” from the restaurant lexicon and making sure the alcohol order is taken lickety-split. Thanks for all of the help.
51. If there is a service charge, alert your guests when you present the bill. It’s not a secret or a trick.
52. Know your menu inside and out. If you serve Balsam Farm candy-striped beets, know something about Balsam Farm and candy-striped beets.
53. Do not let guests double-order unintentionally; remind the guest who orders ratatouille that zucchini comes with the entree.

54. If there is a prix fixe, let guests know about it. Do not force anyone to ask for the “special” menu.
55. Do not serve an amuse-bouche without detailing the ingredients. Allergies are a serious matter; peanut oil can kill. (This would also be a good time to ask if anyone has any allergies.)
56. Do not ignore a table because it is not your table. Stop, look, listen, lend a hand. (Whether tips are pooled or not.)
57. Bring the pepper mill with the appetizer. Do not make people wait or beg for a condiment.
58. Do not bring judgment with the ketchup. Or mustard. Or hot sauce. Or whatever condiment is requested.
59. Do not leave place settings that are not being used.
60. Bring all the appetizers at the same time, or do not bring the appetizers. Same with entrees and desserts.
61. Do not stand behind someone who is ordering. Make eye contact. Thank him or her.
62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.
62(a). Do not let a glass sit empty for too long.
63. Never blame the chef or the busboy or the hostess or the weather for anything that goes wrong. Just make it right.
64. Specials, spoken and printed, should always have prices.
65. Always remove used silverware and replace it with new.
66. Do not return to the guest anything that falls on the floor — be it napkin, spoon, menu or soy sauce.
67. Never stack the plates on the table. They make a racket. Shhhhhh.
68. Do not reach across one guest to serve another.
69. If a guest is having trouble making a decision, help out. If someone wants to know your life story, keep it short. If someone wants to meet the chef, make an effort.
70. Never deliver a hot plate without warning the guest. And never ask a guest to pass along that hot plate.
71. Do not race around the dining room as if there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency. (Unless there is a fire in the kitchen or a medical emergency.)
72. Do not serve salad on a freezing cold plate; it usually advertises the fact that it has not been freshly prepared.
73. Do not bring soup without a spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.
74. Let the guests know the restaurant is out of something before the guests read the menu and order the missing dish.
75. Do not ask if someone is finished when others are still eating that course.
76. Do not ask if a guest is finished the very second the guest is finished. Let guests digest, savor, reflect.
77. Do not disappear.
78. Do not ask, “Are you still working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.
79. When someone orders a drink “straight up,” determine if he wants it “neat” — right out of the bottle — or chilled. Up is up, but “straight up” is debatable.
80. Never insist that a guest settle up at the bar before sitting down; transfer the tab.
81. Know what the bar has in stock before each meal.
82. If you drip or spill something, clean it up, replace it, offer to pay for whatever damage you may have caused. Refrain from touching the wet spots on the guest.
83. Ask if your guest wants his coffee with dessert or after. Same with an after-dinner drink.
84. Do not refill a coffee cup compulsively. Ask if the guest desires a refill.
84(a). Do not let an empty coffee cup sit too long before asking if a refill is desired.
85. Never bring a check until someone asks for it. Then give it to the person who asked for it.
86. If a few people signal for the check, find a neutral place on the table to leave it.
87. Do not stop your excellent service after the check is presented or paid.
88. Do not ask if a guest needs change. Just bring the change.
89. Never patronize a guest who has a complaint or suggestion; listen, take it seriously, address it.
90. If someone is getting agitated or effusive on a cellphone, politely suggest he keep it down or move away from other guests.
91. If someone complains about the music, do something about it, without upsetting the ambiance. (The music is not for the staff — it’s for the customers.)
92. Never play a radio station with commercials or news or talking of any kind.
93. Do not play brass — no brassy Broadway songs, brass bands, marching bands, or big bands that feature brass, except a muted flugelhorn.
94. Do not play an entire CD of any artist. If someone doesn’t like Frightened Rabbit or Michael BublĂ©, you have just ruined a meal.
95. Never hover long enough to make people feel they are being watched or hurried, especially when they are figuring out the tip or signing for the check.
96. Do not say anything after a tip — be it good, bad, indifferent — except, “Thank you very much.”
97. If a guest goes gaga over a particular dish, get the recipe for him or her.
98. Do not wear too much makeup or jewelry. You know you have too much jewelry when it jingles and/or draws comments.
99. Do not show frustration. Your only mission is to serve. Be patient. It is not easy.
100. Guests, like servers, come in all packages. Show a “good table” your appreciation with a free glass of port, a plate of biscotti or something else management approves.
Bonus Track: As Bill Gates has said, “Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” (Of course, Microsoft is one of the most litigious companies in history, so one can take Mr. Gates’s counsel with a grain of salt. Gray sea salt is a nice addition to any table.)

The First Fifty, a couple weeks ago

Being Neighborly

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up hershower, when the doorbell rings.
 
Wife quickly wraps herself in towel and runs downstairs.
 
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking \for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
 
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"


"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.  "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about $800 he owes me?"

Dem Lieberman and all Reps... BRIBED with your INSURANCE PREMIUMS


Vote em all out in 2010, even as your insurance company bribes them to SCREW YOU! Republicans are for sale, we all know this. And you can't afford them. So until big business can buy your VOTE, vote them out of office. Show em to shut the hell up, do business and stay the hell out of our government!

Nov 24, 2009

Video: How REAL MEN trapshoot

Saving US Airlines...

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES
 

 Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- 
they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush or Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

Wife or Dog: Who's your real friend?



Double click to read it larger:
 

Nov 22, 2009

Newspapers yet to find themselves or profits

Publisher Suggests Fake Happy Face Response to Grim Newspaper Cutbacks


Pick out a pleasant outlook,
Stick out that noble chin;
Wipe off that "full of doubt" look,
Slap on a happy grin!
And spread sunshine all over the place,
Just put on a happy face!
Put on a happy face
Put on a happy face!

It is a scene that has been played out quite a bit recently. A newspaper publisher delivers a grim announcement of yet more employee cutbacks in the newsroom. So how should the remaining employees react when asked about the cutbacks? According to the former publisher of the Palm Beach Post, the employees should simply put on a happy face and deliver the type  of fake upbeat response that the same journalists wouldn't tolerate when investigating stories about corporate layoffs.
The Broward-Palm Beach New Times alternative newspaper sets the scene in a fascinating article about the rapid decline of the South Florida newspaper industry:
Things got even weirder last winter, when Cox sent a fresh-faced 34-year-old publisher named Alex Taylor, nephew of CEO Kennedy, to run the Post. The new boss seemed a tad insensitive to a staff that had just been unceremoniously chopped in half.
Last July — one year after the buyouts — Taylor announced that another management shakeup and job cuts were on the way. This time, there would be layoffs, not buyouts, meaning workers had no choice in the matter and received just one week's pay for every year of service.
Taylor chose this moment to send out an email urging staffers to brush up on their customer service skills and not act so glum about the death rattle of their industry.
He wrote:
"If someone says to you, 'I hear things down at the Post are tough. How are you doing?' you could say, 'Yeah it stinks, no one knows what's happening,' (not good) or you could say 'It's a fascinating time to be in the business. Things are changing quickly and dramatically and I think it's exciting to be on the leading edge of how media is evolving,' (good, positive). Two ways of looking at the same thing, but one is just a lot more uplifting."
And how would a Palm Beach Post employee put on a happy face on this shocker:
At one point, a memo went out saying the paper would no longer provide free coffee. After mass protests, this directive was rescinded — but employees still had to buy their own creamer.
"It's a fascinating time to be drinking coffee at our newspaper and I think it is so exciting to have to pay for our own creamer."
However, bad as things are at the Palm Beach Post, is it really any worse than what employees of the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel have to endure? They have to suffer through reading bizarre memos from the Tribune Co. chief innovation officer Lee Abrams which, although funny to the rest of us, must be incredibly annoying to journalists whose jobs are being threatened with the ax:
Meanwhile, a new brand of electronic cheerleading was invading the Sun-Sentinel's newsroom. Lee Abrams, Tribune's new chief innovation officer, had begun sending out "think pieces" designed to help usher in a new era of profitability.
 These memos are long, exhaustive, seemingly steam-of-consciousness missives littered with Abrams' catch phrases like AFDI — Actually F---ing Doing It.
One famous "think piece" told people to evaluate their offices and rid them of "traits" that make them "average" such as "UPTIGHT/PARANOID: You know the drill. You can FEEL the fear."
Another suggested adding more "man on the street" segments to the company's TV news shows. He considered this concept a revelation:
"Every day, an average person is interviewed about top stories," he wrote. "We've heard what the experts think, let's open it up to REAL people. This could be red hot. What the average citizen's take on the topics is."
These memos were not exactly welcomed in the newsroom. In fact, they made some people wonder why the Tribune spent money to hire a memo writer. "We found the memos absurd," says one ex-Sentinel employee, who did not want to give his name. "To me, he [Abrams] wasn't grounded in reality."
Meanwhile the situation at the other big South Florida newspaper, the Miami Herald, isn't any better. They are actually pinning their hopes on the sale of their parking lot for which they hope to earn $190 million to keep themselves afloat:
At the Herald, some measure of chaos had been brewing for years. McClatchy Co., a small California-based publishing chain that owned a dozen dailies, including the Sacramento Bee, bought the Herald when it swallowed all 32 of Knight Ridder's papers in 2006. But the height of the real estate boom was a terrible time to buy papers in the housing-bubble states of California and Florida. McClatchy's stock price fell from a high of $63 in March 2005 to 49 cents in February of this year. Buried under $2 billion in debt, McClatchy is now trying to sell the Herald's ten-acre parking lot, which looks out on Biscayne Bay. But a deal has yet to close.
I'm not sure which is a greater sign of desperation, praying to an artificial Santeria rooster to keep your newspaper afloat or hoping to close a multi-million dollar parking lot sale in the current lousy real estate market.
—P.J. Gladnick is a freelance writer and creator of the DUmmie FUnnies blog.

The cost of Congressional Bribery

Here's Matt Drudge's one sided commentary on how much it's costing to squeeze the GREED out of health care:



And that was for a DEMOCRAT!  

Imagine how much of your health care premiums went into getting every single Republican to vote AGAINST REFORM!

Just who is Generation Y?

What is generation Y?
 
  Hmm, I've always wondered this myself.. Now I know.

-  The Silent Generation,   people  born before 1946.

-  
The Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and  1959

-  
Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.

-  
Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 2009

Why do we call the last one generation Y? I did not know,   but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below...Learned something new today!    


Nov 21, 2009

Dissing the Star is more stupid than stylish

11-19-2009
New Study Points to Healthy Newspaper Readership Maybe the newspaper industry isn't in as bad of shape as previously believed.
A new study from Scarborough Research finds that 74% of adults -- nearly 171 million -- in the United States read a newspaper in print or online during the past week, according to an article in Editor & Publisher.
This number counters the notion that newspapers no longer impact consumers.


The rest of it from BottomLine

What amazes me the most (and no, I've never been a 'print' guy) is how petty and superficial are wannabe media outlets who name call the big boys to make their feeble efforts seem bigger. So juvenile.

The Star counts consumers in the THOUSANDS, probably TENS OF THOUSANDS, and Tony Kansas City's little govt gossip/titty blog counts his in the HUNDREDS. And he constantly shows a certain jealous pettiness by calling the Star, 'the Dead Tree Media', suggesting that newspapers are irrelevant. Every ad in the paper contrasts that by comparison, Tony doesn't have enough readership t0 garner a single advertiser, tho he's tried.

And right wing cheapshot Chris Stigall at tiny-rated KCMO AM calls the paper "the Falling Star". Both should be smart enough to know that bloggers don't have the discipline to do journalism and electronic stations don't invest in the staff.

Without papers doing the daily legwork of newsgathering, bloggers and radio TV would be blind and dumb, in places they aren't yet. Who are they trying to kid with their name calling?

Nov 19, 2009

On Oprah, Obama and other smart ideas

Quick and fast news...

Oprah calls it quits in 2011? Shes' rich enough her job should't dictate her days. No problem. She's not leaving, She's left her mark, and it wasn't ALWAYS perfection. But she's still one of the finest humans in today's media society. NOT a LOSS.. only a CHANGE! Good for her to keep a bit of life for herSELF!

Sarah Palin... still a moron... dumb people just don't know that yet but this circus is yet another opportunity for the dumb to realize how dumb that DUMB can be!! They won't all get it. Yes, some will die dumb and successfully lied to!

Nov 18, 2009

Funny Aircraft landing

Mean spirited Media??? The horror!


11-18-2009
BOTTOM LINE EDITORIAL...
KU'S MARK MANGINO UNDER FULL MEDIA ATTACK

It is simply amazing how fast the news media and fans will turn on a coach when he starts losing.

Entering this season football coach Mark Mangino and his Kansas Jayhawk football team were picked by sports "experts" to win the Big XII North crown---with ease.
After all, Mangino had taken one of the lousiest football programs in the country and had completely turned it around. In 2007 KU had a 12-1 record and an Orange Bowl victory.

Oh, in that year he was named the National Coach of the Year. He was considered the BEST coach in the nation. Take that Bob Stoops, Urban Meyer, Pete Carroll, Joe Paterno, Jim Tressel, et al.

Mangino did all of this after inheriting a program eight years ago which had not posted a winning record in any of the six seasons prior to his arrival. Going to a football game at KU was something the Jayhawk faithful did until the basketball season started.

Mangino has already become the third-winningest coach in school history and has led KU to more bowl games (four) than any previous Jayhawk coach. His 3-1 bowl-game mark gives him the most bowl wins at the school. He has helped bring in millions of dollars to the school.

This year, the Jayhawks started with a perfect 5-0 mark. However, the team has been plagued by turnovers and a reportedly injured star quarterback, and has now lost 5 straight games.

And now, incredibly, there seems to be an all-out media campaign to have him fired.

Mean spirited media? NOOOO! It gets way better...

Truisms for all

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font!

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paperthat I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay Jewelers.

Nov 6, 2009

Arab Americans killing other Americans, God is Great!

This whole thing about some 'devout' Muslim Americans taking out a bunch of people, declaring in Arabic, "Allah is Great!" as they pull the trigger... very disturbing.

They are forcing us to contemplate again what we did during WWII, packing them all up and shipping them off to Montana to practice their religion in private, away from the rest of us. We Americans are very definitely racis t and practical enough to do what we did in 1942 again! We're not so stupid as to take racial PC to its absurdity! Not when US blood is at stake, don't you agree?

TERRORISM.

I was impressed with Darla Jaye's show Thursday night after the Ft Hood massacre.... she got a local angle and went with it, and I was moved by one of her callers who cried in his anxiety about his kin who he didn't know at the time if they were okay. Who wouldn't relate to that radio drama?

But Darla did have a problem and it was what did she know and when did she know it. Fact is, we Americans are running fast and loose with the term "TERRORISM". Most Americans don't know what TERRORISM is. It's not WAR. Terrorism is only a strategy of warfare designed for one thing... to scare people into doing something or doing nothing!

Mass murder for religious reasons isn't 'terrorism'. It's just mass murder.

Suicide bombing to disrupt society because you're outgunned by organized military isn't 'terrorism' either. It's just warfare conducted in skirmishes that weaker forces can WIN, one skirmish at a time.

Sometimes an effective strategy isn't to conduct mass casualties in a single, decisive battle, but to run up casualties one ambush at a time! Over many months or years. This is how the Vietcong defeated the US...a weak force against a vastly superior and sophisticated military force!


Sorry Darla, war by Muslims against Americans isn't "Terrorism" either. It's just war. Don't stop now... keep following this until you actually get this right!

KMBZ's people need to define "terrorism". They have lots of broadcast hours to hash it out, but my notion of terrorism is that it is just a "TACTIC" to scare and intimidate civilians. To intimidate them to stay inside, or to vote one way or another, or to NOT support a government out of FEAR.

Terrorism is only one thing. To scare the shit out of people. This is not to be confused with warfare. Darla was calling that Ft Hood Major a terrorist way too early.

After all is said and done, maybe he IS, maybe he ISN'T. It all depends on WHY he did what he did. Did he do it to SCARE Americans (that'd be terrorism) or just wage a one-man skirmish in the war of the Jihad (that'd be just warfare, not terrorism).

  • She had no clue why he did what he did. Did he do it because he didn't want to go to the Mideast?
  • Did he do it because he wanted to scare people in the military (THAT would be terrorism) or was he just a soldier in the Jihad war? That's NOT terrorism, that's just a battle which he won-- and had a casualty count not deniable!
  • Or was he just a nutcase wanting to do suicide because he didn't want to go to war and so he wanted to take out as many people as he could..cuz that's the way suicide people are? Not political. Just nuts!

The "God is Great" epithet reported as he started shooting surely does complicate the question, huh? No one accused the French underground in 1944 of terrorism for blowing up bridges carrying German trains. It was just war the only way they could wage it. By bushwhacking against superior Nazi forces!

Bushwhacking isn't terrorism.
It's a legal and effective strategy when you have limited resources faced with overpowering military force. Like the French facing the powerful Nazis. Or in Vietnam, the Cong against the Americans. Or the Indians against the Colonists.

Again. NOT TERRORISM. KMBZ people need to define it and quit throwing around the word, willy nilly. Put another way, All Jihads aren't "TERRORISTS". Most of them are just soldiers practicing their warfare strategy of opportunity. Specific military objectives, not civilian terror!

We need a new word.

Nov 5, 2009

Knowing our human bodies


It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

Nov 4, 2009

100 things Waiters should never do.

This, from the NY Times got NPR press today, and here's the first half of them. Should be good. THIS IS THE FIRST FIFTY.. the site says the last fifty is next week.


100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 1)

Start-Up Chronicle
Herewith is a modest list of dos and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building. Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet, hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring something unique to that role?
1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting.
2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.
3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.

4. If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests may be tired and hungry and thirsty, and they did everything right.
5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.
6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.
7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness.
8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.
9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.
10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.
11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left.
12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.
13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles.
14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.
15. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”
16. If someone requests more sauce or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help themselves.
17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.
18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”
19. Offer guests butter and/or olive oil with their bread.
20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another.
21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.
22. If someone is unsure about a wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or offering a taste or two.
23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.
25. Make sure the glasses are clean. Inspect them before placing them on the table.
26. Never assume people want their white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire.
27. For red wine, ask if the guests want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour.
28. Do not put your hands all over the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork.
29. Do not pop a champagne cork. Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better.
30. Never let the wine bottle touch the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt from the bottle.
31. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong.
32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.
33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by.
34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers.
35. Do not eat or drink in plain view of guests.
36. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage.
37. Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice.
38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”
39. Do not call a woman “lady.”
40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad.
41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.
42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.
43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant.
44. Do not discuss your own eating habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic.
45. Do not curse, no matter how young or hip the guests.
46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.
47. Do not gossip about co-workers or guests within earshot of guests.
48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order.
49. Never mention the tip, unless asked.
50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout.

And here are the LAST fifty of the series

Nov 1, 2009

Life's greatest Adventure: Cruise SOMALIA!

Yes, it's the most exciting
Adventure Cruise ever offered!

Cruise Coastal Somalia!
Look at these exciting packages offered to
Cruise for Pirates!

You've never relaxed like this... bring your own weapons and wait as we cruise just outside the 12 mile limit off the coast of Somalia waiting for pirates.
And if you need heavy weapons, we offer those too at fabulous rental rates by the hour or by the day!
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Pirate Target Practice...
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But wait...if you reserve your Cruise now, we'll throw in a half hour firing the captains twin Gatlings.... This is HOT!

So reserve your space today...special discounts for loving couples or just an office getaway with the guys on the high seas.
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Good Read: US in the Mideast, as seen by someone ELSE!


Seven years ago, Dick Cheney proclaimed: “The Taliban is out of business, permanently.” Last week, the former vice-president came close to accusing Barack Obama of lacking the guts to “do what it takes” to win the war against the very same Taliban.

Some time in the next two weeks, Mr Obama is likely to bring months of agonised deliberation to a close when he decides how many more troops to send to Afghanistan. The number, which could be as high as the 40,000 recommended by Stanley McChrystal, the general in charge, will be analysed minutely for what it can achieve on the ground in Afghanistan.

But as Mr Cheney’s contrasting observations illustrate, the more influential war is being fought politically on the ground in America. Somehow, the compulsions of US politics have brought the candidate who electrified America by promising to pull out of Iraq to a position where many of his most ardent backers fear he may be about to get America into another Vietnam.

The decision, much like the one by Lyndon Johnson to step up involvement in Indochina, could prove to be the most important Mr Obama takes in office. It presents America’s most liberal president in a generation with a classic dilemma between guns and butter that is only likely to deepen, whatever choice he makes.

“What began as an almost reflex debating stance on the campaign trail – that George W. Bush had started the wrong war in Iraq and that Hillary Clinton had voted for it – has brought us to this moment,” says Daniel Markey at the Council on Foreign Relations. “Only now is the president really analysing the implications of escalation in Afghanistan. And they are potentially paralysing.”

Some believe the analogies with Vietnam are overdone: The US lost almost 60,000 lives in south-east Asia against the 797 it has so far lost in Afghanistan. But the parallels are also inescapable. Much like LBJ, Mr Obama is being dragged reluctantly into a war that threatens to interfere with an ambitious domestic programme of liberal reform. Much like LBJ, Mr Obama is surrounded by the “best and the brightest”, many of whom are urging the president to take the advice of the military, which appears to be nearly unanimous.


The rest of the great article from Britain's Financial Times