Jan 31, 2009

Sunburn: Obama overexposed

Peggy Noonan, one of America's best professional bloggers, wrote another great piece that should be read in its entirity. Incase you don't, she saved the best for last... pretty interesting:

A final point: In the time since his inauguration, Mr. Obama has been on every screen in the country, TV and computer, every day. He is never not on the screen. I know what his people are thinking: Put his image on the age. Imprint the era with his face. But it's already reaching saturation point. When the office is omnipresent, it is demystified. Constant exposure deflates the presidency, subtly robbing it of power and making it more common. I keep the television on a lot, and somewhere in the 1990s I realized that Bill Clinton was never not in my living room. He was always strolling onto the stage, pointing at things, laughing, talking. This is what the Obama people are doing, having the boss hog the screen. They should relax. The race is long.

As a matter of fact, they should focus on that: The race is long. Run seriously.

But seriously... read the whole thing.. read about the last cigar, that sickly feeling that America's good time party is over... Curious?

Jan 30, 2009

About the KCPD's police radio system..and planned obsolescence

I don't want to get into a big tiff with law enforcement or KCMO city government because frankly I don't live in KCMO and I don't care about their shortsightedness.

But all city governments should plan AND RESIST major tech corporations which deliberately build OBSOLESCENCE into their products... all to force us to spend a kazillion dollars every decade or so, to keep a radio system working for our cops. Welcome to AMERICA! And lets not allow that!

The Japanese changed this US manufacturing model by building CARS that DON'T wear out at 95,000 miles like US carmakers did, which forced us all to JUNK the metal we paid so dearly for not that long after we finished our payments!

Fact is, HONDA redefined resale value and now, sadly for Detroit, Honda and Toyota now have that market CORNERED and all Americans know that Honda and Toyota are KEEPER cars, and American brands AREN'T!

This is not my problem. This is Detroits! Why should we have to deal with corporate ripoffs when we city taxpayers buy RADIO SYSTEMS?


Fifteen years ago isn't that long ago. Luckily for us all, BOEING still provides parts and maintenance on our B-52 bombers, which are now older than the pilots who fly them. And Boeing 707 jets and 737 jets (which is the bulk of Southwest Airlines' fleet.) Boeing keeps THEM in the air, don't they?

This planned obsolescence crap, aside from planes, is so AMERICAN... and it's why we're buying Hondas and Toyotas because they last for 200,000 miles.

OK THEN. US carmakers have had to change their obsolescence model too, and they have. But still, Japanese cars have reputations for running WAY longer than US cars, running cheaper, and having parts still available long after American companies pretend sales forgetfulness! What does that teach us?


So here we are. KCPD with radios which don't have available spare parts, and so now we're forced to spend KAZILLIONS of dollars for an all new system. What a ripoff!

So who IS this butthole vendor who is forcing us to spend so much? Motorola? Who? Next time, our KC CITY PURCHASER should build into our contract for UNLIMITED parts availability longer than a mere fifteen years, like Boeing has to provide.

A city should be able to buy a brand new radio in that same format for a reasonable cost, and replacement parts for a very long time. Way longer than fifteen years. If they can't guarantee that, then they need to be penalized in our contract! Or passed over in favor of a more dependable vendor!

We shouldn't have to put up with this shit anymore than we have to put up with houses which fall apart the day after the mortgage is paid off, or cars that crap out after six years, or wives who refuse to have sex or make babies after their five prime years!

rman said it!

Jan 29, 2009

Powerpoint of the Hudson Jet Ditching

Really great PPT presentation of photos and diagrams, if you're interested. Check my Warehouse to see the Powerpoint.

What have we learned over the past 2,063 years?

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance."

School Assignment

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report,
With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:.... Cost - $29.99
Clinton :..... Cost - $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :...... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :.... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton :..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton :... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:.... Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton :..... Monica.. ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing

Jan 28, 2009

High Water bill, explained.

Read the article before watching the video.

Jennifer and Jim kept getting Huge water bills. They knew beyond a doubt
that the bills weren't representative of their actual usage, and no
matter how they tried to conserve water, the high bills continued.

They could see nothing wrong, they had everything checked for leaks or
problems: the water meter, outdoor pipes, indoor pipes, underground
pipes, faucets, toilets, washer, ice maker, etc., all to no avail!

One day Jim stayed home in bed, but kept hearing water running

He finally got out of his sick bed to investigate, and stumbled onto the
cause of the bills.

Apparently this was happening all day long when they were at work.

Knowing that few would believe him, he taped a segment of this
outrageous 'problem' for posterity:

You won't believe this!

Jan 27, 2009

Eavesdropping on local radio people

Most local radio people aren't allowed to say much other than what's on 3x5 cards or the call letters and promotional slogans of their stations. But here's an interesting moment or two from the radio Bitch Board across town, where people say nasty anonymous things about each other. (Picture has nothing to do with this msg but she's one of my favorite actresses, Sophie Marceau. You saw her as the young British Princess in Mel Gibson's film: Braveheart.

Posted by Listener/ Media Buyer on 1/27/2009, 8:41 am

I was listening to Mix the other day on the way home from work and the "local" guy who replaced Kelly Urrick (sp?)was blathering on about some local comedy club and some comedian I never heard of and giving away tickets. I went over to Kiss and heard Ryan Seacreast interviewing Madonna. Local or not local, the Madonna interview was far more interesting. In the end, the listeners will decide what they will listen to and it will usually be what holds their interest. It will not be decided by the cheap shots of company employees on this message board. I read a lot of attacks and slamming of the new station by the Wilks people on this board ( which usually maens they are a bit nervous. They might be better off fighting the battle with REAL listeners.

Posted by Apollo on 1/27/2009, 9:14 am, in reply to local vs more interesting

Wow, dude, at this rate you'll soon be caught up to us XM/Sirius listeners. Life is too short and commutes are too long to waste time with local crap.

Posted by outoftowner on 1/27/2009, 9:36 am, in reply to ...

wow madonna that's compelling topical radio.(sarcasm) I would rather hear about a comedian that I could go see tonight and win tickets for. Ryan seacrest is a fag and his shit is played it's like eating a sugar cube. People want to know whats happening around them not with washed up whores, degenerate starlets and so on. At some point every comedian was someone you've never heard of. it can't be all about famous occsianally it's gotta be about entertainment and promotions even.

Posted by Apollo on 1/27/2009, 9:51 am, in reply to Local and More Interesting

"People want to know whats happening around them "

And local radio is rarely the way to find out. Any thing the locals have to say can be found through other means without spending an hour listening to 20 minutes of commercials and 30 minutes of retread music.

Rusbo too Big for his Britches

House GOP member to Rush: Back off

Rush Limbaugh may command a large following, but his caustic comments Monday about the GOP’s congressional leadership have at least one Republican House member defending his colleagues and offering an unusually candid critique of the talk radio powerhouse and his fellow commentators.

Responding to President Obama’s recommendation to Republican congressional leaders last week that they not follow Limbaugh’s lead, the conservative talkmeister said on his show that Obama is “obviously more frightened of me than he is Mitch McConnell. He's more frightened of me, than he is of, say, John Boehner, which doesn't say much about our party."

Rep. Phil Gingrey, R-Ga., did not take kindly to this assessment in an interview with Politico Tuesday.

“I think that our leadership, Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, are taking the right approach,” Gingrey said. “I mean, it’s easy if you’re Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh or even sometimes Newt Gingrich to stand back and throw bricks. You don’t have to try to do what’s best for your people and your party. You know you’re just on these talk shows and you’re living well and plus you stir up a bit of controversy and gin the base and that sort of that thing. But when it comes to true leadership, not that these people couldn’t be or wouldn’t be good leaders, they’re not in that position of John Boehner or Mitch McConnell."

Asked to respond to Gingrey, Limbaugh, in an email to Politico, wrote: “I'm sure he is doing his best but it does not appear to be good enough. He may not have noticed that the number of Republican colleagues he has in the House has dwindled. And they will dwindle more if he and his friends don't show more leadership and effectiveness in battling the most left-wing agenda in modern history. And they won't continue to lose because of me, but because of their relationship with the grassroots, which is hurting. Conservatives want leadership from those who claim to represent them. And we'll know it when we see it.”

More from Politico

And some fun from MSNBC:

Check out these new design TIRES!!

These tires are made in South Carolina , USA .

Radical new tire design by Michelin. The next generation of tires. They had a pair at the Philadelphia car show.

Yes, those are 'spoke' like connections to the inner part of the tire from the outside tread 'wrap!' The next picture shows how odd it looks in motion....

Makes you wonder how the ride feels doesn't it?

These tires are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon. The bad news for law enforcement is that spike strips will not work on these.

Just think of the impact on existing technology:

A. no more air valves...
B. no more air compressors at gas stations...
C. no more repair kits...
D. no more flats...

These are actual pictures taken in the South Carolina plant of Michelin.

Obama doing what we hired him to do


CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - President Barack Obama on Tuesday chose an Arabic satellite TV network for his first formal television interview as president, delivering a message to the Muslim world that "Americans are not your enemy."

The interview underscored Obama's commitment to repair relations with the Muslim world that have suffered under the previous administration.

The president expressed an intention to engage the Middle East immediately and his new envoy to the region, former Sen. George J. Mitchell, was expected to arrived in Egypt on Tuesday for a visit that will also take him to Israel, the West Bank, Jordan, Turkey and Saudi Arabia.

"My job to the Muslim world is to communicate that the Americans are not your enemy," Obama told the Saudi-owned, Dubai-based Al-Arabiya news channel.

Obama said the U.S. had made mistakes in the past but "that the same respect and partnership that America had with the Muslim world as recently as 20 or 30 years ago, there's no reason why we can't restore that."

-- From Drudge. Now the BBC Story on this

Jan 25, 2009

About Jack Harry and Distorting what Jack Said!

Wonder if 41's Jack Harry might subscribe to what a TV GM told me once... "doesn't matter what they say about you, so long as they get the call letters right."

Two bloggers misquoting and making hay out of something Jack Harry DIDN'T say about Denver's Shanahan maybe getting picked for the Chiefs.

First blogger BOTTOM LINE malpractices:

BOTTOM LINE: KSHB-TV41 Sports Director Jack Harry has put his reputation on the line by all-but-predicting that Mike Shanahan will be the next head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs.
Other sources are strongly denying the story and saying that no one from the Chiefs has spoken to the former Denver Bronco coach. 01-22-2009
Mike Shanahan Could be Next Chiefs Head Coach
Reported by: Jack Harry, KSHB-TV41
KANSAS CITY, Mo. - NBC Action Sports has learned that the Chiefs are getting very close to naming their new head coach. While we can't confirm it, we're hearing that it sounds like Mike Shanahan could be the replacement for Herm Edwards. We should find out by Friday.
Shanahan spent 14 years in Denver but was fired after this past season. That's when the Broncos failed to make the playoffs after blowing a three game lead with three games to play.
The 56-year-old Shanahan was known as a "mastermind" after leading Denver to back-to-back Super Bowl victories in 1998 and 1999. But it's been a different story since John Elway retired. He only has one playoff victory since that happened.

His teams went 24-24 the last three seasons. Shanahan had total control in Denver. If he comes to Kansas City, that won't be the case since Scott Pioli is in charge of football operations.

(Radioman added the bolded orange)

And then Tony of T&A fame, takes 'all but predicted' and turns it into "made a prediction'. Doesn't that remind you of the schoolgame of 'gossip'?



Tony's story was right on about Jack in all respects but the MAIN ONE. Harry got a piece of the story with his report and I'm not sure it was genius, but TV people are supposed to tell people things they want to know. BUT......but he did NOT predict it was gonna be Shanahan...at least not in the quote on Bottom Line I republished above.

Trust me on this... don't depend on BOTTOM LINE for correctly analyzing much of anything 'media' in this town. And Tony... he repeats or misquotes everything he likes, without ever engaging his brain. These are people who never let the facts get in the way of a good story, to cop somebody else's phrase.

I finally read the Bottom Line commentary about Jack's report that Shanahan might come to KC. It wasn't JACK who stuck his reputation on the line... according to Bottom Line's quote, Jack said sources were whispering this to HIM, and he put two CAVEATS of doubt in the story, (which for illustration, I highlighted above in this bright orange.)

Jacks completely covered. Jack did what journalists should do, say what they're hearing and remind readers it wont be truth til and unless it's announced, maybe Friday.

It's BOTTOM LINE who stuck his neck out by saying Jack has IN FACT "stuck his career" and rep on the line by this. I don't see it at ALL!

And this from a 'media consultant' who supposedly makes his living teaching corporate execs how to dance when they give talking head? He's misrepresented the Harvesters a few months back too. Similar sin... What we have here are a couple bloggers who want some media mileage at JACK'S expense?

MSNBC- The Obama Network?

Newsbusters is gaga over Chris Matthews unabashed infatuation with Obama... and Howie Kurtz calling MSNBC the Obama network.

Check out these video clips after enjoying republican taste in teeshirts (evidentally they think the SMALL sizes sell more shirts (grin)

Newsbusters/Kurtz and Matthews video links

Jan 24, 2009

Cussing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Impressive Airplane Pix

See my web page Flying Machines

Local DJs May Soon Be a Thing of the Past

Radioman precomments: Until the middle of last year, local radio people thought their corporate bosses would figure out a way to save live and local broadcasters. They've been in complete denial, hoping against hope. And very critical of people like me telling them that it's over. Now comes ABC with a good piece on it... and some good comments not full of namecalling and epithets one would think broadcasters would be too mature to utter. But they're not. Here's a good read:

Local DJs May Soon Be a Thing of the Past

Slumping Economy Has Led to an Increase in Syndicated Radio Hosts

You could call it the culling of the heard.

Photo: Your local DJ – a few time zones away: Radio stations are axing staff and subbing in syndicated hosts to cut costs.
As costs go up, radio stations are dropping local deejays in favor of national syndicated shows with hosts like Ryan Seacrest.
(Getty Images)

In Boston, a popular AM station has stopped broadcasting live overnight for the first time since 1952. In San Diego, the nation's ninth-largest city, just two major local talk-show hosts remain on the air after cutbacks. And across the country, stations are banishing local disc jockeys to the unemployment line in favor of nationally syndicated hosts like Ryan Seacrest and John Tesh.

There's a common theme here: With all of its costs, live and local radio programming is in decline. In essence, many in the radio industry are concluding that it doesn't matter if the voice introducing the next "seven-song rock bloc" is in the same time zone. But observers fear radio is dooming itself to irrelevance in a world full of rivals like satellite radio and iPods.

Local programming is the only thing that sets radio stations apart, says radio consultant Donna Halper, an assistant professor at Lesley University in Cambridge, Mass.

I want something I can't get anywhere else," she says.

The radio industry, just like newspapers and books and other forms of media, is facing an unprecedented financial crunch. Radio advertising revenue dropped by 9 percent in the third quarter of 2008 compared with the same period in the previous year, and many radio companies are saddled with huge amounts of debt.

Just this week, the giant Clear Channel Communications company, which owns more than 1,200 US radio stations, laid off 1,850 workers, many of them radio personalities and executives. The cuts account for 9 percent of the company's employees.

Then there's the matter of precedent: Radio stations have been moving away from live and local programming for more than a decade without falling apart. Owners have centralized operations, leaving many smaller stations with few -- or any -- local radio personalities. Live request shows and call-in contests have become rarer than ever; in some cases, disc jockeys try to fool listeners into thinking they're local even though they prerecord their between-song patter in faraway

Read the rest... and good comments...

Jan 23, 2009

Post Herm Chiefs Schedule & Rules

First of all, what an incredibly funny Star sports section headline:

HERMINATED! Now something I got from a friend last night:



13......................Raytown Junior High School
20......................Cub Scout Troop #101
27..................... K.C. Blind Academy

04.....................Spanish American War Vets
11.....................Crippled Children's Home
18.................... Eloise Mental Hospital
25.....................Girl Scout Troop # 353

01.....................Missouri Venereal Disease Clinic
08.....................Fraser Boys Choir
15.....................Korean Vets
22.....................National Hospital Pastorial Ministers
26.....................Overland Park Synchronized Swimming Team

December 08....................Brookside Gay Boys Club


1 - When playing polio patients, the Chiefs must not disconnect knee braces.

2 - When playing the Blind Academy , the Chiefs must not hide the football under their jerseys.


1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line. For all you Chiefs fans that have never seen this) it is still worth 6 points.

2 - The Chiefs will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.

3 - The Chiefs will be allowed to substitute with band members at anytime.

4 - The Chiefs will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing team .

5 - The Chiefs will be awarded a first down with each gain of three yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.


The KANSAS CITY CHIEFS will be changed to the "KANSAS CITY TAMPONS" as they are only good for one period and have no second string.

INcredible video NFL Fantasy Football files


An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That was the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you, Vinnie

How to tell when she's REALLY pissed... Part I

Want to Surf a different beach?

Come see RADIOMAN's list of favorite sites... not on your habitlist (including the world famous page of SUCKS sites, the best photos on the net other than Tony's. And plenty of political sites.

Jan 22, 2009

Worm attacks 8 million PC's in a week!

Worm Seizes 8 Million PCs in a Week
A dangerous new worm has been running wild through millions of PCs over the past couple weeks. The Conficker worm mainly effects corporate networks, using a variety of security holes. We'll show you how it's managed to infect almost 9 million PCs and how to stop it.

Speaking of Alerts... get on the government's security mailing list:
National Cyber Alert System

Cyber Security Alert SA09-022A

Apple QuickTime Updates for Multiple Vulnerabilities

Original release date: January 22, 2009
Last revised: --
Source: US-CERT

Systems Affected

* AppleQuickTime 7.5 for Windows and Mac OS X


Apple has released QuickTime 7.6 to correct multiple
vulnerabilities affecting QuickTime for Mac OS X and Windows. These
vulnerabilities could allow an attacker to take control of your


Install the update

Use Software Update to upgrade to QuickTime 7.6.


Apple QuickTime 7.6 addresses a number of vulnerabilities affecting
QuickTime. An attacker could exploit these vulnerabilities by
convincing a user to access a specially crafted media or movie
file. This file could be hosted on a web page or sent via email.

For more technical information, see US-CERT Technical Alert


* US-CERT Technical Cyber Security Alert TA09-022A -

* Apple Support Downloads - <http://support.apple.com/downloads/>

* Mac OS X - updating your software -

* Securing Your Web Browser -


The most recent version of this document can be found at:


Feedback can be directed to US-CERT Technical Staff. Please send
email to <cert@cert.org> with "SA09-022A Feedback VU#703068" in
the subject.

For instructions on subscribing to or unsubscribing from this
mailing list, visit <http://www.us-cert.gov/cas/signup.html>.

Produced 2009 by US-CERT, a government organization.

Terms of use:


Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts , and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTOR NEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know; about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding' me?


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting' laid!


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

__________________________ ____________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the t ime that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

____________________________________ __

And the best for last:


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you chec k for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Obama tabs Judge Judy for Atty General!

NSFW http://coedmagazine.com/entertainment/50604/

Video: Smart Dog

Jan 21, 2009

caroline kennedy not to become a senator?

makes sense. She was a lightweight. Glad the power brokers finally realized what we all knew.

She's too much like MOST of us. WE didn't do the homework required for top level national service. Her last name just wasn't enough and didn't give her cuts in line. Sigh

Dear Mr. President

Pardon those two border guards we've been hearing so much about. And if the Mexican government says anything, tell them that when we bring our Iraq troops home, we're going to make border guards out of them and shut down the drug trafficking and a lot more ON OUR SOUTHERN BORDER!

I noticed Lew Dobbs on CNN went on and on about how American teenagers aren't taking after school jobs, lowest percentage in forty years.

Wonder if he's drawn the correlation between illegals working the fast food jobs that US teens used to hold?

I think if the illegals weren't here, wages would go up and then American kids could afford to take them. There is a certain level of income required of US citizens to work... the biggest is the cost of GETTING TO THE JOB! To stay law abiding, kids have to pay the highest insurance rates for cars of all drivers--or their parents do. Clothes cost money, assuming you're not wearing a McDonalds-provided smock. (Has anyone noticed that obviously hispanic drivers in work trucks never break the speed limit? How can we tell them "fine...but stay in the RIGHT LANE?" We US citizens like to press our luck!)

I for one insisted my kids worked and they did. They had pocket money, and I paid the insurance and the car repairs. In my view, it was just another parental cost of teaching my kids the work ethic. Might explain why I don't travel much in my DINK years (that's "dual income, no kids") but I'm paying off school debts. Better me than them. Thank God I don't have to buy diapers and babyshoes like they will very soon, so I'll pick up the career training expenses since George Bush didn't. (hint, hint. kids. You can afford my grandchildren, now!)

Jan 20, 2009

Obama to black people

One last thing. Barack Obama said today that it's time for America to roll up its sleeves.

He needs to tell black (and impressionable white) youth to get rid of their tee shirts and baggy pants without belts. PULL UP YOUR PANTS if you expect to be part of THIS AMERICA! Or expect to be left behind!

More radio victims

Well, another station has cut their staffs. It's a sports station, and no, I'll not be bothered to report on the latest victims of corporate radio's salary cuts. But I did make some general comments about radio's very bad habit of cutting people.

Actually, this would work for MOST industries who think their PEOPLE are just commodities, just numbers in Excel cells, needing to be worked to make that spreadsheet more agreeable! Sigh.

Posted by rman on 1/20/2009, 6:43 pm, in reply to "Re: 610 Fires Staffers"

I'm starting to reconsider my website about KC radio stations...and hard coding the talent's names. Maybe I should remove the names and not have to edit that page so much.

It's tough enough just staying up with the call letters and web links! Maybe putting jock names is too labor intensive in this radio environment!

I'm actually being smart ass. Computer People can remove staff members and their rights with a quick "TERMINATE EMPLOYEE" button.

Wonder if that's how executives think? ANyway, each termination means scared people, unemployment, sending out resumes, fixing to pull children out of school, packing up belongings, selling houses... a lot A LOT of disruption in people's lives.

I was SOOO pissed when one TV Gm put my name in the list of layoffs. I landed a quick job 800 miles away. We had to sell our house, pull our kids out of school, and away from all their lifelong friends... buy a new house, get a new job for the wife, all that retraining, new school.

And then that company had the AUDACITY to call me, AFTER ALL OF THAT, and ask me to come back to work for them.

I sed not only NO, but HELL NO! And ya can IMAGINE how PISSED OFF I WAS that we were sooooo disrupted.
What. Other than union TV engineers, I bet if I visited that station today, I wouldn't see a SINGLE FAMILIAR FACE! And they expect us to give them loyalty, our best efforts to help them succeed??

Now you know why I'm so CRITICAL OF locally-based radio and TV companies. They are not what I'd call 'people friendly' corporations! If they want more from US, then they need to give us more of THEM! Like when their DADs were running things! Remember?

The inauguration and LOCAL RADIO STATIONS.

Well, great TV on my new HD television. I caught a few mins of it at work, to see it live in the break room for historic purposes. But tonight's replays have been wonderful.

I'm so glad to enjoy this history as it unfolds. Here's what I said about KCMO RADIO's whight wing morning tawkler:

No, this morning before 9, Stigall didn't realize anything had changed. Well HE hasn't, lets be specific.

He was such an ass, opining that this day was hype and not history. Maybe he spent too much time up at Oak Park HS. He clearly does not have a sense of history. It has to grow on you, like a sense of timing grows on a veteran comedian.

He was such a dork... and bringing on republicans to opine about the good old days on such an historic day. He's just way too into the doctrine, as are so many right wingers because they aren't well read beyond the wight wing weading list.

He missed the story completely. I spent about 3 minutes tonight on KMBZ...and frankly CNN and it's massive resources scooped em during afternoon drive.

CNN gives very good radio on XM/SIRIUS and the more p0eople care about news a lot more east of Troost than the locals cover, the less people will listen to local ghetto news and trials.

This market is RIPE for a major television network to simulcast on radio so people can hear them as we drive to work.

Listen to amateur radio people like Stigall and S&P and the rest of the nutcases, or the pros on the networks.

No comparison. Radio news has been toast for a long time... and only because TV doesn't bother with people in cars...is why radio news survives. Once TV gets that, they will. Not up at 1500 on the AM dial...but down with a strong signal on FM. When will the big radio companies sit down and deal with the networks, or are they protecting their pissant little talk stations?

If I was Susquehanna, or who ever took them over, um um, i forget. I'd hand over KCMO AM to Fox or MSNBC or CNN in a heartbeat! I'd do locally what XM/Sirius is doing nationally! And I'd introduce cable news in each of my markets!

If they don't, its because the networks aren't going to give away their product and big dollars probably scare radio companies. Maybe a network needs to buy out a radio company with holdings in a choice market. Let the long hairs program the music stations and take over the boomers, where the money really is.

The world is going to realize soon that young people just aren't going to have the descretionary income in the new world economy! The key to wealth will be OLDER money. High end cars, vacations, houses. Everybody else will be working for a percentage above minimum wage, and half of them will be bilingual!

You watch... the mexican AM stations local radio ignores will do to FM what KPRS does!

One last thing. Barack Obama said today that its time for America to roll up its sleeves. I think black youth should be told to PULL UP THEIR PANTS!

And at work, when I wasn't in the break room watching the big TV on CNN for the critical ten minutes, who did I listen to on headset all day?

UMKC RADIO. I had to endure their Brit local announcer, somebody Noble on depressants, but there wasn't a decent strong signal in Kansas City that carried these historic events! What a shame that radio, which is supposed to broadcast "in the community interest", DOESN'T! It's pretty clear all FM license owners broadcast only in their OWN interest!
Same old songs over and over.

I was so glad to get home and turn on my TV to watch this historic day that no one radio except PBS's weak signal gave me!

Jan 19, 2009

So just who owns Barack Obama?

It's hard to miss, on MLK day, just before Obama's Inauguration, that CNN's bringing out all their minority anchors to interview minority celebrities and regular (noticeably mostly black) people... and they seem to work very hard to take ownership of Obama and in his election.

I'd gently point out that BLACK people didn't elect OBAMA. Nor did white people. Socially aware AMERICANS of ALL colors elected him after we endured a really bad Republican president.

Obama was both nominated and elected because he was the best candidate of everyone the Democrats fielded in the race. Did he get some help because he's a negroid? I'm not sure. While he surely got the Black American (PC for slave descendants) vote pretty much fully, he also got a lot of non-Southern white votes because he brings the hope and change that we ALL crave. And he LOST votes to those whose personal attitudes would rather elect a worse candidate than a black one! I know plenty of Southerners and bigots who did exactly than, and were vocal about saying so.

I will tell you this. I had an Obama sticker on my vehicle for several months and I love driving through Johnson County with my Democrat stickers. Done it for ten years! Some asshole keyed the finish of my car over the last month or so, and I've had some serious car-door dings. I've never experienced that before. I'm fairly confident it was about my unabashed bumper-sticker politics in a state where supporting a black is only appreciated in CERTAIN circles.

Of course, I always got smiles from black people at filling stations and grocery stores. It does take a certain level of color-blindness to so overtly put an Obama sticker on your car or in your yard. 'Specially in a mostly white area of KC where Obama signs are scarcer than hen's teeth! I'm fairly sure that some bigots keyed my car to tell me they disagreed. Bigots tend to react that way, don't you presume?

I pulled off the sticker the other day, leaving only my "01-20-2009 Bush Last Day" sticker for a few more days. Mostly so I wouldn't get any more damage. My Obama sticker served it's purpose by election day and I'm unapologetic!

What's my point? Well it's that I'm so disappointed that Obama's black color is so prominent-- both positively and negatively in this election.

He is NOT a son of a slave. American blacks have little legitimate claim on him as one of THEM. He was, in fact, white educated. That should certainly take the shine off black leaders who so arrogantly call him 'bro'. He's not at ALL one of them. We who elected him have a lot of hope in him, We who DO own him because we brought him to Washington. It's not at ALL about race, so black people need to stand DOWN. LOTS of us have put our faith in this guy, and it had nothing to do with color. It had to do with his MESSAGE of change!
Now then.

IF his election serves to bring more respect for darker skinned people by whiter skinned people, I'm glad.

IF his election brings more pride by sons and daughters of slaves, I'm glad.
But mostly, if his election and his father-in-the-home model causes black men to make their lives with their wives and their offspring, I'll be REALLY glad! The black churches have not been able to deliver on that. Nor the so-called black leaders. I hope that Obama's periodic admonitions to his dark skinned male compatriots will stick. Black women and children need this!

But the fact is, so do white males and some females too. Time to quit thinking of yourselves. Think about the children you have made! We have lots to do in America to fix things, and it isn't all about races! And YUP, plenty of white men who aren't doing their jobs with their kids need to be lectured to by a black president, or Bill Cosby, or most anyone else to talk some SENSE into them. Too bad no one requires a bumper sticker that says "I DON'T SUPPORT OR TEACH MY KIDS--YOU do it!"

I managed to watch a CNN show on this MLK night and they had all the usual suspects. I don't know all of their names but they're the usual black political leaders--Jesse Jackson and the rest we see all the time on CNN. One actually had the balls to say that if Obama didn't address the black agenda, that black leaders would be hot on him with criticism! What arrogance! These black guys expect him to uh, carry THEIR water? That's not why we elected Obama. We elected him to do what he could for the economy and keep us safe. Not to improve the lot of minorities who might look like him!

I'm just fine with that. What do YOU think?

Jan 18, 2009

Trouble in the Cockpit

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc .

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?'

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'

'Yes,' said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member, "We no longer call it the 'cockpit'."

Middle Age'd Nightmare: COLONOSCOPY

The things we people over fifty have to endure NOT TO DIE of colon cancer. Not sure which is worse. Death, or preventing it!

But trust me. Let them stick their finger up your butt to see if something's not right to the plastic covered finger, rather than endure a colonoscopy-- which is about sticking a TV camera up your butt. How disgusting. What's more disgusting is what you have to do to make sure it's NOT disgusting for the doctor.

One more thing. Don't let your FAMILY PRACTICE doctor PRACTICE a colonoscopy on your ass. INSIST on being sent to a specialist who does BUTT TELEVISION for a LIVING!, day in and day out!

One MORE thing. Make sure the nurse actually HITS that vein with the sleepy drugs. You don't EVEN want to wake up in the middle of a colonoscopy procedure! That said, here's the professionally, written ordeal that went correctly:

Colonoscopies – by Dave Barry

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through?Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This take about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch. This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about th spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy. How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtaine space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.