Luckily for me, the New York POST said it hours before me, said it better than I would have, and Drudge put it up on the web. Gets me off the hook. Now I don't have to look like the bad guy for showing my cynicism. Here's the first part of the post to tease you. If you don't want to keep being an eternal optimist, don't read it.
WHY IS NO ONE SUSPICIOUS OF SIMON COWELL'S LATEST CREATION?
...there is something disturbing about the collective rejection-embrace-elevation of Susan Boyle. There is the element of self-congratulation in the viral spread of this link around the Web, the idea that we, the secondary viewers, the judges of those who are judging, are far more evolved. There is the clip itself, suspiciously ready-made for online consumption: A 7-minute movie, slick and pithy in its perfect execution of the underdog narrative. (That something like "Rocky" took two hours to tell now seems antediluvian.) There is the classic David vs. Goliath subplot, the primal satisfaction of seeing the bully (Cowell) slain by such a seemingly inferior force. And there is the profound desire for this entire thing to be authentic, which in and of itself suggests that it probably isn't.
Like the bad news of Santa being just a retail industry marketing tool, here's the letdown story.